“Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.”

— Samuel Johnson

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending”

— C. Bard

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It has been said that a goal without a plan is only a wish. There are many reasons we are reluctant to set goals. Often these reasons shift in and out of our conscious awareness. It may be a fear of failure or disappointment, or it may be that we don’t believe that we are actually worth the outcome of the desired goal.

Whatever the reason may be, asking ourselves, “What do I want?” is the best place to start. Without an answer to this question we are adrift without direction.

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Everything we do and ways we behave has a purpose and a function. We may not always be informed of what it is, but it is present nonetheless. Every conscious or unconscious decision we make serves us in whatever our end goal may be, regardless if we are cognizant of it.

For example, if our goal is to have conflict-free relationships, we may position ourselves or participate in behaviors that continuously deescalate conflict-producing situations. When we notice tension rising, we may go into our “people-pleasing mode” or our “flight mode” and avoid the experience at all cost.

“The real contest has always been what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.”

— Geoffrey Gaberino

 

So where do we begin? Below are a few key factors to consider as you contemplate the goals you want to set for yourself in therapy.

Some goals may be obvious and some takes a bit more digging to surface. Although this part of the process begins with you, I help facilitate and guide you every step of the way.

  • Courage

    It first takes courage to begin the process of examining our lives and reflecting on our strengths and deficits. It also takes courage to be vulnerable and ask ourselves “What do I want?”

  • Honesty.

    Denial is one of the greatest hindrances to setting goals. If we cannot be honest with ourselves, we cannot begin the process of evaluation, self-reflection, and progress to identifying a desired direction.

  • Responsibility

    Taking responsibility for our behavior is a choice with a function.. It can help keep us in the driver’s seat heading towards our goals, or it can detract us from our progress through blaming others or circumstances that are outside our control.

  • Acceptance

    Acceptance is not passive. It is not resignation. Acceptance takes courage and strength. Why? Because acceptance is like a dance, a dance between effort and trust. It is the constant and active knowing of what is interweaving with what could be.

  • Beliefs

    We cannot measure the power of belief. However, we can acknowledge that every belief has a function. Sometimes our negative beliefs function as a safety blanket for self-preservation or self-soothing. Other times, we utilize positive beliefs to help us navigate painful circumstances.

  • Imagination

    The ability to imagine what we want our lives to look like, how we want to be different, how can our relationships be better, is essential in creating goals. Imagination can help us visualize what if…